It's Been a Minute... or Months...

The last time we spoke, it was the end of May. A lot has changed since then, a lot has also stayed the same.

No longer BFF with Ruby. It all started when she and Stoney kicked us out of their house (yes, it's their house - but hush) at Midnight on a Saturday night with no money, nowhere to go. On top of other things that happened after, I care to never see them again.

We were homeless (literally) for about a month. We are no longer homeless because we were able to buy a house! And not just any house, the house we were renting after the first fire!! The opportunity to buy this home and land never would have presented itself if we were still friends with Ruby & co., so I'm glad (now) things happened the way they did.

We have adopted 4 more furrbabies!! I know, I know, it's like an addiction. We have Jester (aka Momma's Boy) and Harlquin who are our 2 puppies. Then we have Peter Pan and Jasmine who are our 2 newest kitties.

Still married to Maverick and our relationship has its ups and downs. I'm assuming that's normal, lol. But they, we're still trying to make a go of it so that's better than giving up.

I am still enrolled in college, this is my 3rd semester!! I have met quite a few amazing people in college!! I'm glad to be making new friends.

Over Christmas break I ended up in the hospital and I have a new "illness" Non-Alcoholic Liver Disease. I'm suppose to be on this "making better choices" path and truly I just wanna eat all the bad for you stuff. I don't have time or the money to make better grocery choices. Nor do I have the time to exercise properly... however, I am enrolled and attending yoga!!

No longer working a "job job", but I am going to try and some free-lance photography again to try and help make ends meet. No working and being a full-time student really puts a financial strain on the family, of course if we didn't have a million animals (hahaha) it might be a bit easier to handle.

Well, not sure what else to update you on... Wanna know something that I haven't covered? Ask me in the comments and I'll cover it next time.

Hello Friend, It's me again...

Since we last spoke I've been working full time as a cashier and going to college to be an RN while dealing with the aftermath of the fire.

It stormed the other night. Ella was afraid of thunder and lightening so of course I've trained myself to wake up when storms happen so I could make sure she was okay. Sure enough I woke up trying to find her.

And my sweet Aurora. Words can't express my grief for her. I told you that Maverick found her in the room that caught fire, right? Well, the downstairs area is where it started. And the stairwell is blocked off by the backdoor when it's opened. So I'm thinking that since she liked staying downstairs, that she was down there when the fire started. And that she ran into the room that had caught fire (that room is storage and utilities and is always closed) thinking she was running upstairs... because of the door blocking the stairwell. Maverick found her in the nook under the stairs.

And my sweet Ella; didn't have a chance. It started under her bedroom. There was scorch marks on the walls from flames coming out of the vents in her room. My sweet baby. I woke up, put her outside, showered and left for work. Maverick let her in, put her in her room and left for work. A few hours later and she's in a horrible nightmare.

The first few days was pretty hard on all of us. Diego and Tiger Lily kept searching for their sisters. I found myself wanting to call out to both of them as I was saying my byes and giving kisses before I went to work/school.

It's still hard. I'm not sure how I'm getting through all this. I cry. I cry daily for them. I love them. I miss my Ella and Aurora. I also miss my Drake and Kai. The horror of being in a burning house... Just the heat of it from being inside it AFTER the fire dept said it was okay was scary enough. But the inferno inside; while it was burning. The smothering smoke, the intense heat... what a horrible way to die.

I find a lot of my strength through Maverick and Ruby. Both of them are very encouraging of me with the college and working. Sometimes I just want to give up... I scream WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF ALL THIS IF IT CAN BE TAKEN AWAY SO QUICKLY, SO HARSHLY.... SO HORRIBLY.

The worst thing ever is to lose a child. They were my children. I am blessed to still have Tiger Lily and Diego. But I want my other 4 back. I can feel them with me. I hope that one day I can forgive myself for letting them down.

We're almost done with the APA (WOOHOO). Only a few more short weeks and 1 massive 3 day tournament to go and then it's good-bye, see ya later!!

On another positive; I've scored 100% on all my math homework!! Math is the worst subject for me, ever, period, it's evil! My brain gets all confused during the quizzes and I've made 1 perfect score on them out of the 9 I've taken so far. We have an exam on Tuesday (cuz no school Monday) for the chapter we just learned. I haven't had a chance to study this weekend... That's gonna hurt!

So right now we're living in a tiny little room in Ruby & Stoney's house. It's us, Ruby's Daughter, Stoney, their 2 dogs and our 2 cats. It's a medium sized house with 3 bedrooms but one of them was converted to a closet for Ruby (she's a clothes and shoes addict). Daughter is staying in there for now on an air mattress. I feel horrible for that; but they all insist everything is OKAY!

My days Mon-Thurs are like this: I wake up and go to class from 9am to 12:30pm then come home and get about 2 hours before I have to go to work. I print off my homework (all homework is submitted online) and work on it as I can during breaks and lunch. Most often I do the bulk of it when I get home from work. I usually end up in bed about 1-2am. I get up about 7am. All I wanna do when I get home is take a nap but I have other responsibilities. I also have an online psychology course which gives me a full time course load. This fall is going to be even more school with: biology, chemistry, spanish I, algebra and composition I. My typical work day is about 3pm - 10pm but sometimes it's 11 or midnight. My weekends are usually shot cuz I'm working mid mornings to early evenings. I don't get to see Maverick.

Speaking of Maverick. He got a raise and promotion. I'm very proud of my husband!! He's also attending online classes through his work to get a technical certificate equivalent to an associates degree.Which is very awesome.

So that's my life right now. And that's why you haven't seen me around. I meant to write daily but that's just not possible right now...

Until next time,
Jester

Devastation... Fire Sucks...

One week ago today we were dealing with the aftermath of another house fire.

It was my first day back into the workforce. My trainer told me it was time for 1st break and so I grabbed my phone & cigarettes while heading to the smoking area. I had 5 missed calls and voicemails... I lit my cigarette and hit play; it's the fire department and police department. My first thought was something happened to Maverick at work. I called them back and they said, after verifying my address, that our house was on fire. I ran back inside, told my trainer what was going on, grabbed my purse and keys and hauled ass to the house.

When I arrived Maverick had just arrived. The streets were blocked off by police and firemen. Maverick rushed to my side and I asked him where the babies were. Tiger Lily & Diego were safe in the back of an animal control vehicle. Ella had not made it and they couldn't find Aurora. My heart sank. I immediately took to social media and tagged everyone on facebook asking for them to share her picture... praying that she had got out of the burning house.

Hours later Maverick sweeped the house again and found her... my precious sweet baby was gone, lost in the fire...

Nothing can prepare you for the loss and devastation of a fire. Nothing can prepare you for the sudden loss of your pets; especially when they are your children.

So that's where I've been... trying to figure out where we go from here.

Maverick texted my best-friend Ruby and told her he needed her help with me. She immediately came to our aide. Her and her husband Stoney have opened their home to us and that is where we are staying right now.

Most people never have to deal with a fire and sudden loss of loved ones. I have now had 4 of my precious babies taken from me due to fire in the last 3 years and 2 months. I often wonder: what did I do to deserve all the heartbreak and misery that I've had to endure? Fires, infertility, cancer, the horrific death of 4 of my furrbabies. I don't understand why this is happening to us...

We were finally making headway: I'm enrolled in college, started a new job, selling the APA, done with the newspapers... WHY when we're finally getting back on track to a happier life...

WHY?